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Goodbye, Because You’re Good

So this is how it feels like.
To see your dearest one has left the world.
For good.

So this is how you choose to leave.
A quick exit, a giant step.
You don’t give any chance for us to breathe and to realize.

That you’ve gone.
For good.

All you leave us with is memory.
And you made sure you leave aplenty.

Be it your over-the-top acts when you’re passionate about something,
Be it your wide smile, so wide it often took over larger part of your face,
Be it your sharp words, much more like ranting, when anyone or anything got in your way,
Be it your over abundance of attention when you fall for someone,
Be it your writing, ever so sincere you crafted from the heart.

Be it your books.
Be it your walk.
Be it your photographs.
Be it your presence.
The ones that you choose not to carry with you up there.

Instead, you generously put them down here, in our hearts.

See?
You’re still doing good, even as you say goodbye.

So good, that we can do nothing but to wipe the tears that start falling.

Goodbye.
You did good in this life.

 
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Posted by on 08/07/2016 in Personal

 

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In Silence, There is Forgiveness

In Silence, There is Forgiveness

It is never easy to forgive. It is never easy to apologize.

More often than we’d like to acknowledge , our pride gets in the way. Be it as a victim or as a doer, we find it hard to admit defeat.
It is in our nature to be wanting to stand above others. It is in our nature to be seen as being brave and strong.
But most of the time, we wish to be able to forgive. We wish to be able to apologize.
We can only say the wish to ourselves in whisper, in silence. The words we do not say, but we can only feel between mouth and heart.

The words that often culminate in the saying, “if only …”
As much as apologizing and forgiving do liberate oneself, it is never easy to commit. You can never hold grudge again. You can never go back.
But if it is only in silence you can, then you do.

No one and nothing shall get in between you and your apology. Not even air.

Nothing shall hold you back from forgiving. Not even air.
And those wanting to seek words of apology and forgiveness from others, look no further.
The silence does that.

 
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Posted by on 07/06/2016 in Personal

 

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Another Birthday Note Again

Another Birthday Note Again

If only we knew all along that getting older is fun. Especially if we realized many benefits that come with ageing. And until now, I still find it hard to believe.

One of those many benefits lies in forgiving. Or could it be ignorance?

Things that seem to bother us in the past, they do not seem to matter anymore at present time. Certainly not in the future.

Things that bug us so much until we lose sleep over them, they do not bug us anymore right now. Hopefully not in the future.

Things that disturb our peace in the past, we already make peace with them.

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As we grow older, we only grow kinder with time. We accept the fact that time has been kind to us. 

Time finally allows us to look back with smile, that whatever happened in the past, they only make us able to live well in the moment, at the present time. And that is the greatest gift our advancing age has ever taught us.

Heartbreaks will be forgotten, heartbreakers will be forgiven.

Love will be rekindled, repeated, or revealed in any ways to keep us alive.

On each birthday, we may not realize that we keep adding the list of things and people that we secretly forgive and forget, because the issues they used to bring, those do not matter anymore.

Thus, I look forward to birthdays.

Because you get to celebrate yourself in overcoming the odds.

Have a happy one.

 

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Posted by on 04/11/2016 in English, Personal

 

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How Do You Deal With Death?

The answer to the question in the title is probably the same as the opposite: how do you deal with living?
You don’t deal with it.
You just do. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 03/27/2016 in Blog, English, Personal, Uncategorized

 

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Guess the Oscar! (Like You Know and Watch All the Nominated Films!) – 2016

It’s that time of the year again.

The film equivalent of Super Bowl, Championship League, or other annual events in different field, but carries similar traits. The one where its fans follow and obsess very closely. The one that attracts worldwide attention. The one where, for non fans alike, they pretend to know.

Even for fans outside the US or other major film markets in the world, where most nominated films are properly screened on respective cinemas, we are not immune to the hype.

Every year, we follow news around Oscar closely. If the films are not screened in cinemas, we flock to nearby pirated DVD seller. Or do illegal download.
Thanks, or no thanks, to the availability of Oscar screeners easily copied, within minutes those screeners are ready within minutes worldwide.

But this year, controversy aside, the small-screen force-viewing could be minimized. Unless you really choose to do so.

Three out of 8 Best Picture nominees were released before November last year. One strong contender was even a blockbuster hit last summer. Four nominees have already hit big screen since a few weeks ago, and will likely continue doing so. At least for the next few days after the big party.

This year, I managed to watch 7 out of 8 Best Picture nominees on big screen, before the Oscar week, without having to travel to year-end film festivals to do that. It’s a personal record, I admit.

And it’s true that the window between big screen and small screen is getting smaller. Probably soon there will be no window at all for every film, as it is already happening now in some.

So, if you could watch Oscar nominees on big screen, consider yourself having a treat. It soon may be a thing of nostalgic memory that no longer exists.

That also makes your journey of following Oscar hype as a something special.

On to the predictions now:

– Best Picture: Spotlight
(but if you want to make a good return out of your bet, go for The Revenant. I’m just sticking to the film that hits, moves, and touches me the most, right in the heart.)
– Best Director: George Miller – Mad Max: Fury Road

– Lead Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio – The Revenant
– Lead Actress: Brie Larson – Room
– Supporting Actor: Sylvester Stallone – Creed
– Supporting Actress: Alicia Vikander – The Danish Girl

– Adapted Screenplay: The Big Short – screenplay by Charles Randolph and Adam McKay
– Original Screenplay: Spotlight – screenplay by Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer

Ave Maria

Ave Maria

– Cinematography: John Seale – Mad Max: Fury Road
– Costum Design: Jeanny Beavan – Mad Max: Fury Road

– Production Design: Colin Gibson and Lisa Thompson – Mad Max: Fury Road
– Editing: Margaret Sixel – Mad Max: Fury Road

– Original Score: Ennio Morricone – The Hateful Eight
– Original Song: “Til It Happens to You” (from The Hunting Ground, music & lyrics by Lady Gaga, Diane Warren)

– Sound Editing: Mark A. Mangini and David White – Mad Max: Fury Road
– Sound Mixing: Chris Jenkins, Gregg Rudloff, and Ben Osmo – Mad Max: Fury Road

– Make Up & Hair Styling: Lesley Vanderwalt, Elka Wardega, and Damian Martin – Mad Max: Fury Road
– Visual Effects: Chris Corbould, Roger Guyett, Paul Kavanagh, and Neal Scanlan – Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Body Team 12

Body Team 12

– Animated Feature: Inside Out
– Foreign Language Film: Son of Saul (Hungary)
– Documentary Feature: Amy

And here comes the annual shameless plug:
You can watch 2 of the Oscar nominated short films in the upcoming XXI Short Film Festival!
And why not?
It’s free, and it’s on big screen. Only in Epicentrum XXI on March 16-20, 2016.
You know the drill: just follow Twitter @21shortfilm for more information.
I’ll be there, and I’ll be more than happy to guide you through the rest of the festival.
Alright, before the plugging goes deeper, I mean, further:

– Animated Short: World of Tomorrow
– Documentary Short: Body Team 12
– Live Action Short: Ave Maria

Alright, less than a day away to the Oscar!

Mad Max: The Fury Road

Mad Max: The Fury Road

 
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Posted by on 02/28/2016 in Uncategorized

 

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On a Cold Rainy Night

“Are you ready?”

“Ready?”

“This is how it goes …”

“Wait. Ready for what?”

“This. This is what will happen. We meet. Meet cute, maybe. But we meet. We exchange names. We invent nicknames for each other. We text each other every day. We look forward to each of our “morning” and “nitey nite” greetings. We make time to type those messages. We ask each other what we have for breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, and all meals in between. We ask each other what we do, where we go, what we read, what we watch, what we listen to. Then we finally meet. We see eye to eye. Over lunch. Followed by coffee. Over dinner. Followed by movie. The first lunch. The first coffee. The first movie together. Then comes the night when we part. We have to part. We live in our own house. We say good night. In the next few hours, we say good morning. We make plans. We plan our getaway. Our holiday. We cannot get enough of each other. We are crazy about each other. We think of each other every time. We think of ways to seek help from each other. We think of ways to make each other feel needed and wanted. We try and try … Until we’re tired. We start getting bored of each other. We start questioning our decision to meet and like each other. We make excuses not to meet. We prioritise our work and other activities above each other. We start skipping the greetings. No more “morning” or “nitey nite”. We start asking each other, why you have not asked me things I do. Food I eat. Music I listen to. We take each other for granted. We take each other as a routine. Then strangers come to our lives. Strangers that tickle our excitement. Strangers who ask us the questions we used to ask to each other. Strangers we cannot get enough of. Strangers we wish to spend our time with, instead of being with each other. Strangers, that make us … strangers for each other.”

“Are you done?”

“I’m not. Because I want to ask you, if you’re ever ready …”

“I’m taken.”

“… ready to invite this stranger to try?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

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Posted by on 01/31/2016 in English, Personal

 

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You Say Goodbye To What You Love The Most

We do say goodbye to things we love the most, don’t we?

No matter how long we have been attached to things we love the most, eventually they’ll be taken away from us in one way or another … Right?

I am struggling to convince myself over the above statements today. I am struggling to believe that you only part with the physicality of things.
You never say goodbye to memories they bring.

Last night, my iPod Classic died. For good.
Attempts of resurrection showed no signs of success. At all.
Even if we could replace the hard disk inside the iPod with a new one, it’ll be a new, blank, clean, empty hard disk. The old dying one, that caused the hardware to stop functioning, cannot be brought back to life.

After 8 years, my companion is no longer able to accompany me anymore.

Yes.
This iPod of mine is a life companion.

Inside the 120gb disk space are not only songs, videos and photos accumulated over years. But more than that, those songs, videos and photos mark special milestones in my life.

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Songs are compiled into playlists for running, so I can endure the exercise.
Songs I listen to whenever I have a crush on someone, when relationships end, and when romance starts to blossoms, are compiled into playlists.
There are playlists for wedding of friends, relatives, rainy days, holidays, and sometimes moments I need to celebrate quietly.

I always brought my iPod wherever I go. Be it to office, to gym, traveling overseas, other cities in the country, there was always my iPod present. In short, it never left out of sight everyday in the past 8 years.

When you have something with you for considerable amount of time, your subconsciousness forms a sort of attachment. So I read somewhere.
I never understand that, until now.

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People have different ways to claim ownership or attach themselves over other people and things. Some form undying attention to their pets, others dot on their children. Some become too protective, some can be carefree.
I spent most of life on my own. The past 8 years saw a fair share of some romantic relationships, but for the largest bulk of time, I’m on my own. Thus, to fill the emptiness of dead air, I listen to music. I pay attention to them. My mind wanders as I press the button, click the wheel, put songs on shuffle, and let whatever songs played to fill the mood of the moment.
From what is a usual “press play” activity, it further develops as the extension of your feeling.

It may sound too much. That’s fine. After all, each one of us is wired differently.
When I lament the passing of this iPod to my friends, some immediately offer their consolation in understanding. Some went through the same. Some offer their confusion, to my absolute and definite understanding, as they don’t form similar attachment the way I do. And that’s fine by me.

After all, music speaks differently to each and everyone of us.

Soon enough, I’ll get a new portable music player. Or I may just get a new hard disk to be installed in the old iPod. I have not decided which route I’ll take.
Regardless, they mean the same thing. I may get majority of old songs and albums back, thanks to iTunes store and other outlets. I may be able to create similar playlists to the old ones.
But I never get the old memory back. I will never be able to recreate the exact mood while making the playlists.

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Consider this is goodbye. Consider this is a farewell letter to the past 8 years of my life as marked on songs of life.
I often smile in tears upon realizing how we mark moments in our life by songs. Songs we listen to while we think of someone with love. How we are angry at the same person weeks or months or years later. Songs we listen to when we graduate. Songs we listen to as we travel in foreign lands.

I used to be able just to switch on the old iPod, scroll through playlists to figure out the songs that mark those special moments. Now, I won’t be able to do that anymore. I may remember all of a sudden whenever I hear the same songs in mall, as I stroll along foreign lands I am yet to visit, or in any given occasions later.

I will remember, because memory never escapes and fails us.

We say goodbye to things.
But we will remember the historic memory they lovingly create.

Here’s to new memories ahead.

 
9 Comments

Posted by on 01/05/2016 in English, Personal

 

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